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  • Writer's pictureAngie Toh

Making Love with No Goals

Most clients that I spoke to and some lovers that I encountered seem to follow a certain standard operating system (SOP) when making love.  A little bit of foreplay and the man will be ready to focus all his energy to make his woman have her orgasm(s) before he focus on his.  Sex will usually end when ejaculation happens.  Be it a 10 minute or 4 hours of love making, is pretty much a goal oriented process chasing after the big O. 

As a woman, when I sense that my lover is touching me in a goal oriented way of wanting me to quickly have my orgasms; I usually will not climax.  However, when love making is spontaneous with no goal but just play and deep connection, that is when there will be so much ecstasy and multiple O will definitely happen without the need to focus on it.

We are human being, not human doing.  I have seen too many men who are too busy focusing on their performance in bed, too busy DOING instead of just BE and connect deeply with their partner's energy.  If we keep follow the SOP for sex, we will keep getting the same results. Sometime what we need to do is to connect, to tune in to each other's energy and to remember to breath.  Less is more, you will be surprised what can happen when we learn to slow down. Some amazing orgasms that I witnessed  in my therapy studio and some amazing orgasms that I experience personally in my life is not with more action but with breath, surrender and trust. 

Give it a go and try engaging in sex with no goals with your lover. Enjoy the process, the connection,  remember to breathe and just surrender instead of chasing after the big O.

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