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  • Writer's pictureAngie Toh

Becoming A Conscious Lover

1 out of 3 women never had an orgasm.  1 out of 3 women would have orgasm only rarely. 1 out of 3 women experienced sexual trauma before.  67% of women have ever faked an orgasm. 

As a woman, looking at those figures are really depressing.  However, I could fully relate to that as I have my fair encounter of bad sex experience in the past. Guess that is why I am passionate to empower men to unlearn about sex and intimacy and relearn to be a more conscious lover. 

Most woman takes an average of 20 to 40 min to have an orgasm and up to 80% of women will not have an orgasm through varginal sex.  Guys, what you seen on porn where women having those earth shaking orgasm while men are pumping are not real. So if your idea of sex is you kiss and touch your partner for 5 min and straight away get inside her and finished with an ejaculation within 10 to 20 min and off you fell asleep or get back to your work, please do not blame your partner for not enjoying sex or not wanting to have sex with you. For women with such partner, they usually just view sex as an obligation, a responsibility as a wife or woman as they never know that they could have their pleasure and bliss. 

Traditional view of loving making is sex ends when a man ejaculated so some men would do their part to pleasure their lover first with oral or touch before they get their share.  However, they might again get too goal oriented and wanted the woman to have an orgasm quickly making the whole act a performance again. No wonder woman need to fake orgasm.

Woman are really not that difficult to please.  The main difference between man and woman in loving making is man focus a lot about the goal; while for women, connecting with their partner is the most important aspect of their sex life, not the orgasm. This was what most women responded when asked in a survey. I fully relate to that. I would still feel fulfilled if my partner is conscious and sensitive to my needs but I did not have a single orgasm during the love making. What I enjoy most is the connection and touch by my partner, more than the orgasm.  My definition of good sex is with lots of cuddle and touch before and after and usually are sex that last for hours.  

The good news is all men can unlearn and relearn.  I have worked with couples in my intimacy coaching session where I help couples to rekindle their intimacy and bring more pleasure and connection in their sex life. The session is customised based on the needs of the couple, some have more work to do to reconnect again, some are ready to learn about yoni or lingam massage for one another  If you like to find out more, send me an email. For things to change, first I must change.  You cannot change your partner till you change yourself.

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